you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
