the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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