i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
