Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
