I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
