dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're a waste of cheezeits
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
