: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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