I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
