This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
