five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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