We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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