I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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