I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I want her autograph on my taint
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
