We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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