So drunk its hurt
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
