my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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