First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
