I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
