But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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