you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
