he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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