No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
