i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
