; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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