So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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