Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
