is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
