Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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