I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
