its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Never underestimate the power of titties
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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