I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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