Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
