you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
