see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
