It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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