well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
