if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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