Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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