i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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