Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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