at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
