Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize