I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
