So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
