Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
