Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
