Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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