he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
