this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
