Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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